For context, we are both very different people. I am fiercely independent and prefer physical contact to be limited and on my terms. I feel trapped very quickly. Being autistic doesn’t help as well as having trauma. I’m not home every day for work reasons, and it often seems like he gropes me before even saying hello. I often tell him to please give me space, and I think he thinks I’m joking. He never forces himself on me or anything like that but I often feel panicky, and trapped when I’m around him. Even sleeping I will wake up pinned against the wall pretzled in half. I do understand why he does that because I’m such a violent sleeper. He’s usually forced to either essentially pin me down or get bear half to death in my sleep. I’ve tried to express my feelings but it feels like it goes in one ear and out the other. I know that he feels like I never want to give him attention at all but I just can’t force myself, nor would I want to. It’s not that I’m not attracted to him, but I’m just so often not in the mood or exhausted from the kids and work.
I’m not sure what I need and mostly wanted to vent. If you have any advice, I’ll take it.