I’m worried that men will only ever want me for sex. I’m a pretty girl and maybe that’s all I have going for me. I’m not the type of person who can just hookup, I would need a deeper emotional connection for anything to happen. I just don’t think I’ll ever meet someone who would care enough to get to know me.
I met a guy the other night and we really hit it off. I noticed how touchy he got as the night went on. I should have known exactly what he was after by the way he looked at me and how comfortable he was just touching me but I’m young and I’d never gotten that kind of attention before and I guess I just didn’t realize. He was a few years older. I should have known.
His friend clued me in to what was up, so I left to go back to my friends. But towards the end of the night he came back, trying even harder. I didn’t want to dance, I didn’t want to come home with him, I didn’t want to take another shot. So he started calling me lame, calling me boring. It really hurt my feelings because I am lame and I am boring and to me that’s ok. Really just reinforced the idea that nobody will ever actually care about who I am, but rather just the fact that I have great boobs.
I wish I could blame it on anything other than myself. Say that maybe I gave him the wrong idea, but I was wearing a baggy t-shirt with barely any makeup, so I must come to the conclusion that really my personality is so dull that no guy I’ve ever talked to has ever tried to put in more than a night of effort.
I just feel worthless. I get quite a bit of attention but it’s never been from someone who seems interested in me. I worry that maybe I’m just not worth the time and commitment of a relationship.