I recently got out of first relationship that lasted a year plus. Prior to this relationship, I had absolutely no sexual experience with men and I wanted to keep it that way because I was celibate. He was supposedly celibate as well but was insistent on having non penetrative sex. Whenever I had the courage to shut it down, he would sulk and start acting weird or he would just pretend as though I said nothing and keep doing what he wanted. It kept happening until I just adjusted to it and got with the program. Even typing this, I still feel very stupid especially because I took a break from the relationship earlier to heal from this.
I’ve always been a secretive person and I don’t trust a lot of people enough to discuss these things and not worry about it becoming gossip but I need to speak to someone. I still feel very stupid and I hate that I let those things happen even though I didn’t want to. I also wasn’t ready for any of that and now I feel ashamed that someone who I no longer speak to has seen and touched every part of me.
There’s probably some deep work to be done here but I don’t even know where to start from.