I guess I’m trying to vent and feedback is genuinely encouraged.
After a year and some months, I made the decision with my bf. Now I’m doubting. My dating history was full of men who were nice in the beginning and then horrible breakups, most had so many issues (mental, emotional, psychological).
I met a guy who went to therapy, ambitious, studious and who I really envisioned a future like never before. I thought of marriage.
My trust issues and jealousy started mid way and it just has been rocky leading up to now.
I don’t get it. When I’m single, I’m flirty, I’m vivacious, I’m energetic and then when I get into a relationship, it all goes to shit.
I struggle with body image issues rn and on top of this being “cuffing season” there is this pressure to find romance but all I want is him.
He never gave me a reason to doubt. It was all me. The only thing that really got to me was the screaming matches with him. I have never had a man scream at me the way he did. I still try to justify for him. I sensed resentment cause he always wanted to know how I could feel reassured that I was the one for him.
I didn’t like the screams and the insults. Our last bad fight really broke us and I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I felt like he was afraid to end it, so I did.
Now I’m wondering if I made the right decision. He said he wants me to grow, to be more confident, to be financially independent, and to be happy above all.
I feel like I let a good one go. And I’m trying not to blame myself and be so harsh but I can’t help it. Anyway, thank you for reading.