I just found out that my boyfriend of three years is a murderer and a cheater. After he killed his other partner and disposed of her, he came over to my house many times and acted like nothing happened at all.
He was the same loving, gentle, silly and intense man I’ve known and loved for years. He failed to visit me the day before, apologizing to me and saying he’ll see me soon. Saying that he’s been staying up lately doing things. I assumed it was schoolwork or him working harder in the gym.
Little did I know that those late nights was actually him disposing of the corpse of another woman who loved him.
I remember the last time I saw him. He gave me a ton of smooches, held me so tight and was so full of laughter and warmth. When we said our goodbyes, I kissed the man I loved several times and we hugged each other tightly. I smiled and waved at him as he drove away.
Meanwhile, this woman’s last goodbyes to him was him shooting her point blank, a few days before he returned to me. Then him disposing of her in such an inhumane way. I am sad and angry another woman got killed from hands of a partner. I am furious at him for betraying both of us, especially her since she died so horribly.
Yet I mourn him. At least, the good times we had together. All of the years we’ve known each other, he treated me so good. Never an argument or anything. I felt so warm, protected and loved with him. I’m sure the woman he killed felt the same way with him too.
I cannot forgive him, but deep down I still love him and care for him. I feel guilty because she had much more to lose than me. Perhaps I should’ve died instead of her.
How he killed and disposed of her, that could’ve easily been me. During his goodbyes to me, he treated me with such love. During his goodbyes to her, he treated her like she was nothing to him.
I just can’t.