Background:
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year, we don’t have many fights and I think he treats me well. He has mild Aspergers and I am aware that he can be unintentionally blunt and he may have a hard time reading social cues. At the beginning of our relationship, he would text me all the time and take me out to places. Recently he has not, although he makes plans sometimes it is often me sending him ideas to do things than me planning them. He also does not text me, sometimes for days. At first, I had no problem with it because I assumed he was busy as I am also an active person. Although he does not have a job and is in college he only takes a few classes, while I have a job, go to the gym, and enjoy school. I don’t think of him any differently because of this I just ask that he supports me in what I do and show me that he loves me.
I broke up with him for a bit a few months ago because I felt like I was the only one who was putting in the effort. He struggles with mental health and I try to be there for him. I have talked to him and told him that I would like it if he could just text once a day to ask how my day was and I would do the same for him he agreed but that still does not happen. He also has almost no sex drive and if we do have sex it is him receiving. At first, I attributed this to his medication which he is no longer taking but now he is off it is still the same. I also brought this up and he apologized and said that he just does not like to initiate things. He has improved but it just feels forced and I don’t feel like he genuinely wants it.
The Problem:
He told me that his friends think that I am boring and only care about school which made me upset and we got into a fight about it. I am a social person and an extrovert in our relationship. I got upset about it because I felt like the things he told his friends were not who I was at all. He said that all I ever talk about was school and said that he doesn’t know any of my hobbies. Later he said that I am not like him and just let people walk all over me after I criticized him for what I thought was a kind of temper tantrum after bad service at a restaurant he just made a big scene and said some cringy thing about him writing a bunch of reviews to ruin the company. lol. When I try to disagree with things he says he does not really listen to me. I am a stubborn person but I enjoy debate but in a debate, you have to listen to both sides. I want to major in finance but he always reminds me that he thinks I don’t know enough about finance to pursue a major in it? I have told him why I do not like these things and why they hurt me but I feel like he does not understand how much it really hurts me.
This post is a lot of our issues but we do have a good relationship which I do love and want to work on. I have tried expressing my concerns in a calm manner because I hate confrontation but I really feel like he does not listen because I don’t show that these issues affect me. I think he just does not understand the importance of fixing these problems. In the past, I have been in relationships that I have ended where the guy was confused about what he did and told everyone that “it came out of nowhere” when in reality I had already told them why I was upset and that I needed them to change certain issues and they just did not listen. I am hopeful about this relationship as he tells me how much he loves me and talks about our future together. I do believe he is sincere but I just need him to show it a bit more.
TDLR: I feel like expressing my concerns about relationship problems in a calm and unemotional manner does not let my boyfriend understand how much these issues affect me. I am not really a confrontational person but I want to find a way where he can take me seriously.