For those who are soft hearted, how do you protect your feelings from being hurt?

Hey, hopeless romantic guy here!😂

I’m gonna say we try reframing the problem first. There’s the problem of other people, and then there’s your own “growth edge” (let’s not say “you have a problem” that’s too harsh).

For other people who:

actively try to hurt you? Trying to use you/get something from you? I think it’s easy to tell and avoid. If not… that sucks (but we will heal)

As for your feelings, don’t attach things like your self concept to this person. I know sometimes it can be shocking, and the trauma is valid.

unintentionally hurt you? People who love you do dumb things; sometimes it’s extremely hard to articulate (like micro aggression) it doesn’t make it any more acceptable. But let them know. If they’re willing to put in the work, yay! If they don’t think it’s a problem and dismiss your concerns, it’s time to reevaluate things. Good ppl will always try to do better.

Now from “your” perspective (meaning, who experiences all these feelings/notices all kinds of nuances):

(With ill-intended ppl out of the way of course) I’m sure there are other ways to think about it, but right now I could just think that, the deeper issue with people “protecting” their feelings, is actually trauma response and hyper-vigilance at work. When you “protect your own feelings” I might say that you’re actually trying to “supervise” others’ feelings and intentions (regardless of good or bad).

^that^supervision^part^took^a^while^to^come^up^with^lmao

Protection sounds a bit “closed-off”, but your feelings are not a castle and people’s intentions/behaviour are not always battle rams.

Hyper-vigilance and the attempt to supervise others sound to me like, you still have a desire for connection deep down, and there’s potential for things to flow between people.

This is your *(our) growth edge: hyper-vigilance shows that you’re not responsible for, and ultimately cannot control others’ feelings, and it’s up to them how they interact with your feelings.

So, (at least I would😂) still let people in(I’m not giving up the title of hopeless romantic 😅)—we need to give our intuition more credit even if defence mechanisms overshadows it(I know this is sometimes ridiculously hard but it takes time I guess).

And assume goodwill‼️ (first your own, it’s the most important; then others’.) sometimes discomfort or hurt are a necessary price that vulnerable and safe relationships incur.

Okay I’ve written too much yet again😑 anyways I hope this resonates with somebody. Good luck all