There’s a post on the sub about contraception, which prompted me to remember a conversation that I had about a year ago with a man that I know, and I’m wondering what all your thoughts are on this.
For context; this man was single and looking for a long term relationship. He has previously been married and has three children which he shares joint custody of with his ex. Under no circumstances does he want any more children. We were discussing the dating scene and his dating experience as somebody who will never be having another child.
As he, under no circumstances, wants more children, I asked him if he has had a vasectomy. He replied that he has not. I then asked him if he was going to have one, and he replied that he absolutely was not going to. I then said to him that, if he is unprepared to have any more children, that it’s his responsibility to ensure that this does not happen. I said that he is the one who, under no circumstances, wants any more children, and it is the height of entitlement, not to mention selfishness, to put all the responsibility on women, when this is something that he is adamant that he does not want. He responded by rationalising some bullshit about compromising in relationships, despite him ironically being unprepared to compromise in any form. I then asked him that, if he is adamant that, under no circumstances, will he be having any more children, then what’s the problem with getting a vasectomy to ensure this doesn’t occur. He was completely stumped for an answer, started getting flustered, and ended the conversation.
The sense of entitlement was palpable. Imagine putting all the responsibility of reproductive health on women, when he is the one who is insistent that he doesn’t want children. It’s his responsibility to ensure that his demand does not occur, not women’s.
Aside from this, there is an increased risk of breast and uterine cancer with hormonal contraception. Many women are prepared to take this risk, as they believe that the benefits outweigh the risks. It’s women (and trans men) who get pregnant, and this dude, who is insistent that he does not want any more children, is happy for women to take this increased risk, when he could get a vasectomy. My next question for him, if he had not ended the conversation, would be to ask him that, if he is not prepared to get a vasectomy, I assume he’s prepared to use a condom on every single sexual encounter, but the question didn’t get to be asked.
To summarise, men who have finished having their families, and who have decided that, under no circumstances, do they want any more children, should get a vasectomy. It shouldn’t even ever be a discussion. Once they have made this decision, they should take this option. It’s pure entitlement if they don’t do so.