I need some advice, I just dont know what to do or how to control my feelings in this issue. The relationship I’m talking about is the one with my father. Now, it’s not like “daddy issues” or “my father left me and later reunited”, nah. It’s just that we never got along. I don’t think we hate each other (at least not on my behalf), but there is 0 common interests, 0 chemistry, nothing.
Now, to the issue.
I do have a good relationship with my mother, and she’s aware of the tightness (as lack of a better word) of my relationship with my father. She usually tells me that I should be more flexible, not argue with him, try to listen more to him… Thing is, that burden of trying to keep a healthy relationship is on me, not on both of us (if that was the case, I’d be okay with all this).
My father has told me that the only reason he “loves” me is because I’m his daughter. I once had a crash with his car; the first thing he did when he saw me was not ask me if I was okay, but he started shouting at me. He has told me I should go cure my “autism” (for the record, I’m an introvert and I have a generalized anxiety disorder, as well as social anxiety, but no autism or any other form of ASD). I have published a book, and it was dedicated to my grandfather (who passed away shortly before) and to my mother. He said he was disappointed that he wasn’t included, and he was expecting to be in the dedicatory of the next one. He says I know nothing on the topic I have a Bachelor’s, a MSc and I currently work in. He indirectly bashes me for quitting my PhD, after I realized I couldn’t work with an abusive boss.
These are just a handful of examples of what he has done. And, really, I have tried. I really have. But I think the whole burden of this relationship is on me. And that he hides under the idea that “I’m your father and that relationship is always going to be there, so I don’t have to do shit to keep it alive”. I dont think that’s how any kind of relationship should work, family or not.
I still live with parents, so I will of course have to interact with him daily. But it makes me so angry. I make a mistake, and that makes me a terrible daughter. He says the most outrageous shit and that’s just and oopsie and I’m the one who should adapt.
I’m so tired and angry and frustrated. What can I do? Has someone else been in a similar position?