So- I can’t tell if I’m selfish or nervous.
I’m not currently pregnant, but my husband and I will start trying in about a year. We’re rigorously preparing for baby, complete change in diet, exercise and discussing parenting styles/worst case scenarios to be prepared.
One of the thing I’ve been thinking a lot about is breastfeeding. I want to provide breast milk and I want to have that connection with my baby but there’s something that gives me a great deal of anxiety.
The problem: when they get older. I don’t think I could handle my toddler asking for my breasts. I saw a video where a woman couldn’t stop her baby from playing with her nipples. I see these videos of toddlers just pulling out their mothers breast.
Something about that makes me want to cry, it gives me alot of anxiety. My husband and I have thought about both bottle and breastfeeding until a certain age, then switching to exclusive bottle feeding so hopefully that doesn’t happen to me. I worry that the baby will reject either breast or bottle and weening to the bottle I’ll either be difficult, or I’ll miss out on making a strong connection with baby.
I can’t seem to shake this feeling of guilt, though. Like I’m too selfish even after we shared my body for over a year. When does my body become exclusively mine again?
I still want to pump and give my baby everything my body has to offer, this is just one of those things no one really talks about. My breasts have always been sexualized and maybe that’s the issue.
Sorry for the long post! Any thoughts?