I’m not sure what’s wrong with me but I recently became aware that I don’t really have any sort of emotional attachment with anyone anymore
Like when I left home to go for college and live abroad, I didn’t really care that I was leaving my family behind.
Like when I’m living abroad…people ask whether I miss my family and tbh I actually don’t
In fact I feel much happier here alone than be back at home. I remember in my first year I wanted to go see my family back for the holidays because they missed me. When I went back home after eight months, they didn’t even give a shit. In fact I even went to a suicidal phase because I almost got scolded by my parents everyday for being lazy at home which in fact was true but it was my vacation. And when I was finally leaving in the airport my parents had a break down and cried as if they missed me which was true
When my grandma got diagnoised with cancer, everyone cried except for me.My sister scolded me for being a monster and asked whether I even miss her since I didn’t seem to be affected much. I mean it’s more like I’ve already prepared for this. I’ve had dreams of close people dying a lot(I had my first dream when I was four). I also noticed I never fell in love either and I always feel that I’m just a burden for my family