What’s the shittiest shit you ever seen or shitted?

Minding my business on the toilet. I reach for the toilet paper. Something felt off. Why does the seat feel wet? Oh well. Go to wipe. The toilet paper comes back red. Not just a little but quite a bit of blood. I stand up. The entire back of the seat, behind the seat, beneath the seat, the back of the bowl and water is also bloody. Turns out a cyst opened an abscess near my tailbone.