His constant abuse. Eventually sober me would continue to take it but once I got drunk with him (he constantly insisted on getting shitfaced drunk together) it would remove some of my inhibitions and I’d start snapping at him once he would be shitty, as opposed to just taking it. There was an animal side of me that was harboring intense rage from him over years and years. When I got old enough and drunk enough, that rage would come out, and it always seemed to blindside him AND me.