For context, I was visiting my family on a long weekend (college classes were canceled for a wellness day). My grandfather is battling late stage liver cancer and is ending near of life. I’ve made peace with his passing because id much rather he have peace as opposed to staying here suffering. When I visited my grandparents, I helped him to sit on the couch and feeling how much weight he’d lost and seeing how sick he looked I felt slightly disgusted/repulsed. I felt guilty for my feelings because I love him to pieces. And I chopped up my feelings to the human instinct of avoiding disease/sickness. I’m not particularly close with any of my family so that’s why I’m asking Reddit lol (also I see a therapist weekly and have a great chosen family).
I was wondering if there was a better explanation to this feeling, or if anyone else has a similar experience.