What is that one thing you find hard to forgive yourself for?

A couple weekends ago I got drunk and sporadically started shouting at my mom for being a terrible mother and that she couldn’t raise a kid for shit and terrible stuff like that. She’s did similar things to me but I never thought I’d be the one to stoop that low and it hit me for six. I feel guilty every day I wake up and see her, as well as when I have alcohol.